Welcome to the Chaos

You have stumbled upon the new blog (i.e. random babblings) of a quirky single mom. A shoot-from-the-hip, anti-pink (yet almost gaggingly perky), non-traditional, can cuss like a sailor but loves insanely and has the save the world syndrome gal who is bracing for a future as a Crazy Cat Lady though she secretly hopes like hell it doesn't come true. Enjoy your stay and feel free to say hi- I don't bite. Well, unless we're dating and you are into that type of thing or you contain peanut butter. >;-)

About Me

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Quirky single mom of two monkeys. I used to beat up the kids that picked on the "special students" during recess. Now I work with those with chronic mental illness. I speak quite a few languages, enjoy coed naked underwater basket weaving, have an addiction to Sushi and humor is my defense mechanism. Arrogant people make my right eye twitch. I'm ambidextrously brained, I will knit for tattoos, I am the friend that everyone comes to for advice and bail money. I pride myself on keeping my eyes, ears, heart and mind open. Making me laugh goes a long way with me, I think the brain is the sexiest organ and I'm the kinda gal you can take anywhere and I'll have a good time. Other than that, I'm just me.

Followers

The Lights Are On, But No One's Home

It’s safe to say that the #truthbat will be around for quite some time. I want to again thank @Jennie_Z and @Sabalo for introducing me to the #truthbat. If it were not for them, I would not be swinging it at all. While it will not be in every blog post, I have vowed to whip it out and use it as needed.

Trust me, it’s needed.

Before I get to swinging it, I have learned a new truth. I did call the person I was afraid to in the last post out. Just a tap, really, not even a full swing. She first responded with a “hee hee oops” type response. While I was pondering how to retort, she deleted her responses, unfollowed me and then completely ignored me questioning her why she would do that. So… lesson learned…

Running from the #truthbat doesn’t make the truth any less true.

And that’s ok. People can run, people can hide, people can dance around it and pull every excuse known to man out of their ass. But eventually, THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT. #truthbat In reality peeps, we all need to learn to put our big kid panties on, suck it up and take the hit sometimes. Be a man. Be a woman.

Acknowledge the fuck up, learn the lesson and make the changes to prevent it from happening again. Anything else is just cowardly bullshit.

I try my hardest to look at every situation in life as a learning experience. Sometimes it takes the worst situation to make the most valuable truths known. Truths we don’t want to see, truths we may even have prayed to not ever know. I would much rather be hit with the #truthbat though than have someone lie to me. It may hurt like hell and I may swear the sting will never truly go away, but it always does. And it’s better than living a lie.

Life is a tricky thing in and of itself. If it is enough to drive you crazy, love (or lust) is that which will put one completely over the edge. There is a reason for the phrase “crazy in love.” It has the power to make sane, normal people do epically stupid shit. It also has the power to make those that are slightly off kilter go full on fucking psycho.


Now is the time to toss away everything Hollywood and Disney have taught you. Don’t look at me like that. Hells yeah happy endings exist. But you can’t force them, or love for that matter, no matter how badly you want IT or that other person.

NO male or female is worth going bat shit stalker crazy over. Period. #truthbat

Seriously.

Ok, I have been swinging the #truthbat for other people and AT myself. This actually has some of me swinging it FOR myself. That’s something I just don’t do. I don’t stand up for myself a whole lot. But, it’s about damn time I do.

I gotta say over the last few weeks I have seen some guys and gals pull some universally stupid shit for and to the opposite sex. Some has been at a distance, the most messed up has shown up on my doormat and at the end of the post you’re going to have to put up with me yelling “GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!” a bit because yeah, I gotta stand up for me. In the mean time, let the swinging begin….


Now, we KNOW when things aren’t working or they are really not interested. We choose to ignore it though. We cover our eyes and pretend the #truthbat isn’t there.

WE NEED TO START VALUING OURSELVES MORE. #truthbat


Why the hell would you WANT someone that doesn’t want you? Why would you chase and chase and try and try and ignore and ignore? Hell or stalk and stalk? It’s just not worth it. In the end, what do you get? IF you manage to get/keep that person, are they there out of fear? Just cuz you wore them the hell down and they gave up? Or worse, because they know you’re always going to be their safety net?

THEY ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU #truthbat


Every chase, every sign ignored is a chip away from your self-respect. Keep chipping away and you’ll end up that crazy person we’ve all seen. NO ONE IS WORTH THAT. #truthbat No one is worth the stress, the anxiety. Forget trying to save them or save the relationship, you gotta start by saving yourself. In the event of an emergency, please place the oxygen mask on yourself before attempting to help the passenger next to you.

After all that I have been privy to, listened to, been a crying shoulder for and witnessed myself over these weeks, there are some basic, universal signs I need to #truthbat into some skulls. Most of these are truths that apply to ALL relationships mind you. Not just romantic ones.

1. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! #truthbat Words woo and pull at our heartstrings. One right sentence from the right person can make our entire day, or week or month. But, the words mean nothing if they are not backed by actions. Whispering sweet nothings… they are nothings unless there are actions that make them somethings. I don’t care who you are, “I love you” followed by a junkpunch just ain’t right.
2. NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN YOU ARE ONLY THEIR OPTION. #truthbat One-sided relationships of any sort are unhealthy. Period. If you are the one that is always reaching out, always there for them, always the one to call, text, email, smoke signal, etc and they hardly or rarely reciprocate- they are not really a friend/lover/etc. If they come to you only when no one else is around, honey you are only an option. And you are better than being just an option to someone you deem a priority. It’s up to you to choose whether you remain in the relationship on some level. But, you HAVE to step back and ask yourself what YOU need from this relationship to be happy. If you need them to be where you’re at and they can’t be? Time to say peace out. If you are ok with them being just an option to you as well, then build up your walls and lay down your boundaries- not only with them, but with yourself more importantly.
3. IF THEY ONLY ACT LIKE THEY ARE WITH YOU IN PRIVATE, THEY AREN’T REALLY WITH YOU. #truthbat I understand not everyone is into public displays of affection. I get people wanting some privacy in their lives. If you buy a billboard on the freeway that says “I love you Bruce Phillip Wayne III” yeah, you have your own issues and that’ll get ya yelled at. But if you try to take their hand, put your arm around them, call them baby in public or post/tweet/whatever something affectionate somewhere on the interwebz to them and they get MAD… that is a huge red flag. “I don’t want everyone to be all up in my business” only goes so far when they are throwing their other business out there already. Think about it, she just posted a pic of her out with the girls drunk at a club or her kids doing something silly but “have a great day babygirl” got ya looked at cross-eyed? Relationship statuses have come up a TON of times lately. When it comes down to it- they are optional. Always. You don’t HAVE to list them. So, if they are listing “Single” yet you two are in a monogamous relationship or you sent them an actual relationship request and their ass ignored it… you’ve gone way past red flag and into Danger Will Robinson, Danger. If they refuse to claim you in public somehow, THEY DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.
4. IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THEM TO FUCK UP, THEY WILL #truthbat This goes hand in hand with ONE PERSON DOES NOT REPRESENT AN ENTIRE GENDER/RACE/SPECIES/ETC. #truthbat If you have been cheated on, hurt, junkpunched, etc by one person and you bring that baggage into a relationship with someone else, you’re gonna fuck it all up. If you dig and dig and second guess and question without any real reason to, they are gonna end up messing up. THEY ARE NOT THEM! This is a whole new relationship. Keep some healthy boundaries up to protect yourself, that’s fine. But don’t start digging through their cell phone, mail, myspace, whatever to find something. Because you will. It may not be something that is actually a legitimate mess up on their part though and by trippin on it, trust is lost on both ends. Once trust is lost, that’s the hardest thing to bounce back from.
5. IF YOU WATCH THEM ACTUALLY FUCK UP AND IGNORE IT, THEY WILL KEEP DOING IT. #truthbat If they step out of line and you know they did, but don’t call them on it, yeah they are going to keep stepping out of line. Depending on the relationship and how far outta line they’re stepping, you can toss them a freebie. But, after that…when you see the pattern and you fail to balls up and say “Ok, look, you maybe need to knock this off” that’s all on YOU. At that point you can’t be mad at them for stepping out of line, you have to be mad at your own self for not bringing it up. I know why you’re not though. I get it. It’s because if you call them on it, they might either talk their way out of it and keep doing it, get pissed at you for bringing it up then you’re the bad guy, or get mad enough to end the relationship. If they do though, THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. IF SOMEONE LOVES/CARES ABOUT YOU, THEY WILL TRY TO SEE YOUR SIDE OF IT. #truthbat And IF THEY KEEP DOING IT, YOU MEAN LESS TO THEM THAN WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING DOES. #truthbat. And if you mean less to them, they don’t deserve you. Simple as.

So, my dears, there are other signs, other #truthbats that I can go on and on about, but these are the biggies. Instead of trying to take the relationship/the man/etc back, START BY TAKING YOURSELF BACK. Let me give you my own little #truthbat about me that I encourage you to take on for yourself: I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS THAN WITH SOMEONE FOR THE WRONG ONES. #truthbat Relationships may come and go, but you NEED to remain you. DO NOT give someone else the power to change or destroy who you are.

Which brings me to my little change. My little standing up for myself and swinging the #truthbat like a mutha FOR MYSELF.

STALKING IS JUST NOT SEXY. #truthbat For realz. When you get to the point where you are SCARING someone, you need to back the truck up and GET SOME HELP. Trust me, my ass is a pro at stalkers now. (If you doubt me you can read :I'm Like A Cat, Only With Stalkers Instead of Lives Sadly this one needs to be updated because I’ve surpassed the freakin cats.)

Stalkers come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes you don’t even know them, sometimes it’s someone who just can’t let go and sometimes it’s someone who has an issue with someone close to you and you get stuck in the crossfire. I’ve seen them all at this point.

What started the other night as an anonymous email from some coward regarding someone close to me in my life escalated to the point where they hunted down my HOME phone number and called me. Of course they lacked the balls to stay on the line and actually talk to me after they said what they felt they needed to. I did nothing to bring this on myself, nothing to taunt this person, nothing to DESERVE anything that went down that night. And I do many ANYTHING. There is so much epically wrong with all of it. The psycho had clearly been watching me and playing very close attention to me. I do hope she still is. In fact, I hope anyone that is presently stalking or thinking about stalking me (again.. I’m also in the totally not worth it category) is paying a little bit of attention. Please note, if you have to ask yourself “is she talking about me?” Yeah, I probably am.

I AM FUCKING DONE. #truthbat
There is no more nice gal, there is no more first instinct of fear on my part. I may honestly be a really nice person, but we all have our breaking points and mine has far been reached. When attacked on any level, I will no longer take a step back and say “woah, what’s wrong?” Instead, I’m stepping to you and saying “WHAT? What is it that you want?” No matter how many moments I have flinched, I’ve never been a coward. I will look someone in the eyes and say what I need to say when I need to say it. If there is shit on my mind, it eventually comes out. Out of MY mouth. Not some pathetic anonymous email or blocked private call. I am the first to admit that I am flawed. I’m nothing super special. My anthem has always been “I am just Natali” or “I’m just me.”

And LilMissStalkerChick(at)GeeImCrazy.com YOU WILL NEVER BE ME. #truthbat


You seem to think you have gotten what you wanted. But, have you really?? If you would have stayed on after you said “I win.” You would have heard me laugh and say “If you think so.” Please do feel free to call back and have the sac to stay on the line.

Like everyone else that continues to ignore the truth... your lights are on, but no one’s home. Of course in your case, you haven’t been home for quite awhile now.

Too busy out trying to look in my window.

And when you can finally see in… I’ve got a lil message for you…

4 comments:

Sabalo said...

You know... I am pleased to see what started as my abject annoyance at emo bullshit evolving into something life-changing and useful. ;-)

Kudos.

uwshiwd said...

We are often very good at wielding the #truthbat on others and not quite as swift at it when it comes to ourselves.

Everything you said is straight on.

I have never had a bad relationship where i though everything was hunky dory. There are always signs and unanswered questions - instinct if you will.

There is a lot of lonliness in this world and i think sometimes I trade certain things in order to fill that. But the truth is that it is settling and the end the happiness is cut short.

When you have someone that is sick in the relationship/family, everyone is sick (liars, cheaters, alcoholism etc.). So when you tolerate someone elses sickness or poisons, in return you form a sickness - or perhaps you have one already that allowed you to take on theirs.

I have spent far to long being very angry at someone. Make no mistake, they are a callous, selfish, extraordinarily dishonest person. But I saw signs very early on and as all my friends told me how stupid I was behaving, I continued on - I held onto words that in no way met the actions that he displayed. In all honesty, I KNEW it and should have walked away the 4 day after I met him. What the hell was my problem? I don't know.

But the silver lining is that through him, I learned about Twitter and have met some of the coolest people. I don't have a significant other, but having new friends is exciting and allows me the happiness to be more concerned about myself than with finding a someone!

If circumstances were different i wouldn't have met them or you. So it was hard and it was hurtful an I wish I would have handled things differently - but It's all good.

Next time I will heed the signs (I said all of the things you wrote to myself ) and I will respect myself first. Anyone that does profess to want to be with me will have to do the same!!!

Thank you for the good reads - you are right - I did like this one!!!

Nielle said...

damn I wish I had read that post a decade ago... but some things, like the #truthbat we just need to learn for ourselves I guess :)

R3s3rvo1rD0g said...

Wow...just wow. #truthbat

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